Every once in a while I check to see what's new with the transhumanists, that strange bunch of guys (and a few gals) who stump for the End of Humanity As We Know It. What caught my eye this time was George Dvorsky's recent piece
called "Eight tips to dramatically improve your chances of living forever."
Transhumanists, for those who haven't stumbled across them, want to use genetic engineering, nanotech robots, neural interfaces with computers, and other ultra-tech gizmos to produce what they variously call "posthumanity" and "homo perfectus."
One core transhumanist come-on - in fact, the very first plank of "The Transhumanist Declaration"
- is "redesigning the human condition" so as to banish aging. Transhumanists talk about "extreme longevity" and "radical life extension." More than a few believe that technology-enabled immortality is just around the corner. For those of us alive today, they say, the trick is to hang on long enough for the rapture - oops, I mean "longevity escape velocity."
Okay, it's silly. But given their aspirations, you'd expect the transhumanists to have some exceptional insights into staying healthy and hale. So it was with a bit of eagerness - I admit it - that I clicked to see the list.
And now, without further ado - drum roll - here's tip number one: Eat your fruits and veggies.
Tip number two: Avoid sodas and chips.
Other radical advice includes wearing your seatbelt and getting plenty of exercise.
To be fair, there are several hints unique to transhumanism. Tip number seven: send us money. And, tip number eight, just in case all of the above doesn't work: Freeze your head. Helpfully, Dvorsky includes links to the websites of two cryogenics companies.
The punch line to this one? "And they lived happily ever after."