Op-Ed

Two peaches are side by side, one of which has been cut half way open and the other is still a full peach.

Austen Heinz and Gilad Gome, of biotech start-ups Cambrian Genomics and Personalized Probiotics, announced at last week's DEMO conference, "New Tech Solving Big Problems," that they had created a bio-hack to make women's vaginas smell like peaches.

Yup, you read that right; these "startup bros" think a vagina that doesn't smell like a peach is a Big Problem to be solved.

Following on the heels of Heinz's promise to make dog poop smell like bananas, the duo led their audience to believe they had genetically engineered a probiotic supplement using Heinz's DNA laser-printing technology in order to bring the world the never-awaited product, "Sweet Peach."

But don't worry; they assured incredulous journalists that there would be "practical benefits" too such as preventing yeast infections, and even "loftier" ones about "personal empowerment," because controlling the way you smell could help "connect you to yourself in a better way."

Obviously, women would totally have equality and self-acceptance if only they smelled like peaches.

These two have clearly been spending too much time around their lasers because they...